Today, my brother gave me some really bad news. My grandmother passed away of a heart attack unexpectedly and suddenly this morning.
And I don’t know what to do.
It’s so sudden.
It’s so heartbreaking.
I’m in disbelief.
I want to hop a plane and join my family. I wish more than ever that I was home. But I’m in New Zealand. I can’t be there for the viewing or the funeral. I just want to be with my family while we all grieve and suffer from this loss. I feel wrong that I can’t be there to honor her life with my family. I want to hug my Gramps. I want to hug my dad. I want to hug all my aunts, uncles, and cousins. And I want them to hug me back.
But I am doing what I can.
I went for a run to relive some of my emotions.
I went to a Catholic church to say a prayer for her and light a candle in her honor.
I called my mom. I cried in Hannah’s arms. I called Dominique. They all brought me back down to earth and gave me some of the comfort I needed.
And I still can’t stop thinking about my Nanny. About how faithful and dedicated she was to Catholicism. About how no one can cook and clean as well as her. About how strong and sassy she was, yet how classy, stylish, and beautiful she was. About how she came to all of my concerts. About how she visited me in VT. About how she orchestrated unforgettable holidays. About how thankful I am for everything she has given me. But most importantly, about how devoted she was to her family. About how much she cared for and took care of every single member of her huge family.
I pray that Nanny has passed peacefully and painlessly, and that she is happy in heaven. I know that she is watching over us all. And I know that though she is gone from our present world, she will never leave our hearts.
How could she? She is our Queen!