The Last Thing I Expected

Today, my brother gave me some really bad news.  My grandmother passed away of a heart attack unexpectedly and suddenly this morning.

And I don’t know what to do.

It’s so sudden.

It’s so heartbreaking.

I’m in disbelief.

I want to hop a plane and join my family.  I wish more than ever that I was home. But I’m in New Zealand.  I can’t be there for the viewing or the funeral.  I just want to be with my family while we all grieve and suffer from this loss.  I feel wrong that I can’t be there to honor her life with my family.  I want to hug my Gramps.  I want to hug my dad.  I want to hug all my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  And I want them to hug me back.

But I am doing what I can.

I went for a run to relive some of my emotions.

I went to a Catholic church to say a prayer for her and light a candle in her honor.

I called my mom.  I cried in Hannah’s arms.  I called Dominique.  They all brought me back down to earth and gave me some of the comfort I needed.

And I still can’t stop thinking about my Nanny.   About how faithful and dedicated she was to Catholicism.  About how no one can cook and clean as well as her.  About how strong and sassy she was, yet how classy, stylish, and beautiful she was.  About how she came to all of my concerts.  About how she visited me in VT.  About how she orchestrated unforgettable holidays.  About how thankful I am for everything she has given me.  But most importantly, about how devoted she was to her family.  About how much she cared for and took care of every single member of her huge family.

I pray that Nanny has passed peacefully and painlessly, and that she is happy in heaven.  I know that she is watching over us all. And I know that though she is gone from our present world, she will never leave our hearts.

How could she?  She is our Queen!

I will miss you, Nanny.  And I love you so much.


Filed under Life

17 responses to “The Last Thing I Expected

  1. Mim

    That’s beautiful, Em.

  2. Miranda

    I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother, Emma. It must be so hard for you not to be there with your family right now. The thing that is both scary and comforting about death is that your world stops for a while, but everyone else just keeps moving on. I lost my dad last year. I know how you’re feeling 😦 I will send positive thoughts your way!

  3. Cousin Cynthia, Kristin, Shawn and Great Aunt Dorothy from Altoona

    Dear Emma we want you to know that you are in our prayers. She was a beautiful woman and although we did not know her well, from your tribute we can tell she was a very gracious and kind person. I know she is at peace with her Lord and Savior and now you have an angel looking down on you.

    Our love and prayers are with you as well as with your family.


  4. It’s wonderful how much you loved your grandma. All your life, things will keep reminding you of her. See if your family can save a few household items that you personally enjoyed from her home just for you. I have two of my grandma’s rugs that she made, a little crochet heart purse she gave me when I was a little girl, and a mother of pearl locket from her. I feel good that they are with me in my home.

    🙂 Marion

  5. Gay

    Oh, my honey, I am so sorry about your Nanny. My heart ached for you when I read your blog, that you are so far away from your family now, when of course, all you want to be is with them. But after reading what you wrote about your lovely grandmother, I thought how lucky you are. The fact that you have all those wonderful things to say about your grandmother, and how she left her imprint on your heart is a blessing indeed! Not everyone has beautiful, wonderful memories like you do.
    You will never forget her, and she knows that! And how lucky you are to have another guardian angel to watch over you! Be comforted by that.
    Love you! ~Gay

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  7. Emma – I’m just catching up since I’ve been under the weather.
    I am sooo sorry to hear about your grandmother….I’ll be thinking about you and your family all day. Be strong, I know it hurts. I lost my grandmother a year ago after a long illness and its never easy to lose someone you love.

  8. Caroline Shea

    I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I know it must be very difficult being so far away. I’m sure she felt lucky to have such a wonderful and loving granddaughter. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Cant wait to see you and give you a big hug back in Vermont.

  9. Renee Hillman Raspen

    Emma, that beautiful. I am quite sure Nan is smiling from heaven. Hope to see you this summer and hear all about your adventures. Love, Renee

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